And I wish to feel smaller under your hands,
though you seem satisfied as you slip mine
down your pants.
And I’m thinkin’ about how you care half as much for me
While you lift up my shirt after asking politely.


What a day. My life is bi polar. im not. im just sweet nydia trying to get by. trying to be the best damn smiling tough hearted girl, and the world is out to crush what ever little hope i have left in it. haha, life is good. stay possssi.


all i imagined myself doing today was walking around town with my middle fingers in the air. btw.. remember how that west hills teacher and i used to flirt, and i wanted his babies.. yea well watch the news, some bitch beat me to the meat. haha hes arrested or something of that sort. dont get me wrong. I know he would have been my true love. he wouldnt hurt me.

As soon as i got home, i got this stupid phone call from my best friend. Usually we fight about ridiculous crap and im over it, im just the kinda girl who hates arguing. He started yelling at me about a touchy subject and what not and i just hung up on him. he called me a few mins ago and apologized. I know i can trust him, and i know he will lead me in the right direction, but sometimes, there are some things i would rather ignore. and he knows that. he said hes going to let me make my own decisions, and if that doesnt go right he will be there for me. Idk i guess i have a good best friend.im being a stupid girl.

I ran a mile and a half tonight, i feel fucking great
after that the bestie picked me up and i went with him to best buy,
i know he just wanted to get me out of the house, we talked. good talk. he makes me realize i can over come all the little shit thats coming my way since ive over come huge obstacles that most people will never experience.
to be honest, im in a great mood
to be even more honest... urg i just cant.

So whos taking me to cuddle up some cute animals soon?

Just love the world that won't love you back


this is the first night in a few days that ill sleep in my own bed, and nothing beats a cold bed in the middle of autumn all to your self. Everet and i are about to see madball;sick of it all; blaghblagh, pretty stoked,
but im way more excited that i got the job at the body shop!

i smiled. i laughed. it hurt.
***** Im Not property.

oh yeah i did amazing hair cut part 2 on jacob wolfie today.
really. its RAD.

 I wish some people, would understand that im Not, stupid. I know whats going on. I just dont feel the need to tell people why im acting so strange, when you could just fucking come out and tell me, . dammit. haha

oh well all day yesterday i was so furious that i was on the verge of tears. but really dgaf. my life aint so bad.
im living life to the fullest with assholes and scumbags in my life, and im making money by sitting on my ass, or playing pretty pretty princess all day.
Went to EC tattoo today, 2nd home, dudes chill as fuck.
Hopefully everet will like the place, we;re going there before the show on Saturday to see if thats where he wants to get his ink done, concidering its ONLY $60 an hour ...yeah.. fucking cheap as hell. 

anyways. im still looking for a job, still looking for a place, i want to move out asap.

What a crazy fucking weekend. I hate almost everyone at my school,
Reason number one: ALL MY SHIT GETS STOLEN.
 Reason number two: complete anarchy in a 98% female environment is never good.

But i got a $35 tip... come on..who fucking tips 35$?.. im killer seriously. anyways, If all goes as planned, im driving up to LA with everet and his friend tonight.



haha im not falling for anyone. i just thought it was very appropriate.

Life hasnt changed much, its as amazing as usual.


The most amazing thunderstorm is going on behind me. I could listen to that sound for hours. I wouldn;t trade SanDiego for the world. Lately school has been better than ever. Really, i feel like im on top of the world.

This wass the 2nd time Chris cheated on me, and the last time he did it was with kimberlee, and i ended up finding out after Chris TRIED having sex with me, i didnt because i read a text messages saying "lets not tell nydia about that happened last night." EVEN THOUGH i bought and took her out to dinner, HOURS after she had sex with him, even though she KNEW we were together.
the way men treat me is real cool. and the way women act is the latest whore  trend.


I understand. I just wanted you to know it was intentional.

How did you find out by the way?
Out of ceriousity.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nydi 2012
Date: Aug 10, 2007 8:02 AM


I Really appriciate you saying sorry..
but i honestly dont know what to say.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kimmberlee
Date: Aug 10, 2007 12:47 AM


i know you know.
and i just want to say sorry.



i hate her. all i did was treat her like my best friend, and she slept with the guy i was dating... i KNOW some of you saw kim ad i together when she would come hang out with the guys and i are chris;s place, because i wanted to make her feel welcome. I LOVE MY LIFE SO MUCH. makes you feel worthless as fuck.

edc was insanely fun.
journey w/ chris,will,mitch,alex, and Max... \
we drove way past LA.... got lost, then lost in a bike gang
drove back, our reservations at the Omni hotel got screwed up..
but we got a sweet room anyways
drank more than possible
went to the rave, loveloveloved dancing to DnB
the colliseum was insane, i died out there, started feeling sick again.
back to the hotel, took an hour long shower, and slept like a baby
accidently left Max in LA..... hahahaha WE;RE DICKS!..
It was insanely fun.



anyways. my summer is over :] schhhchchcoool starts tomorrororw!

Almost got arrested last night,
basically, sunset cliffs. 7 guys and me, bon fire, beers,m jay, hiding in the cliffs, cops..Helicopters.
Funny story, but they let us go, laughed it off.

Lately life is too fucking perfect,
I decided on Palm Springs so im leaving on Friday hopefully with a few good people
want to get Inked out there.

I want some people to stop being so damn blind.

I love being happy with my decisions. I hate people who tell me who i am.
Watched Janis Joplin and The grateful dead on IFC
all morning.
 i had to cancel my appointment.
I want to travel soon. I want to say i lived in the country, i lived in the city, the desert, THE OCEAN, Ireland, Tokyo, I want to play my piano in Iceland, i want to Fall inlove in New Zealand

Hahah, really i crack myself up.

I will always love this movie. I love that she falls in love and throws away her pills, and that hes afraid to love her, and in the end hes lonely as fuck.
As Ray Porter watches Mirabelle walk away he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks, to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone he would not miss her. Only then does he realize that wanting part of her and not all of her had hurt them both and how he cannot justify his actions except that... well... it was life.

I really dont expect much from people anymore.
Actually i dont expect anything at all.

[	Current Location	|	in the car	]
[	Current Mood	|	tired	]
[	Current Music	|	LOD	]

REALLY good times with Alex last night
we drove up to Corona to see Gathers' last show in CA.
illlyyyy alllex and our talks, dp, ...1492 FUCK YOU!
road trips with my best friend....Amazing.



I cant wait to not acknowledge your ..(multiple) existence in 22 days.

I GOT KICKED OUT
i just dont know what to do anymore.
everyone knows how much i hate it there, i dont belong there, that isnt my home. i hate my father more than life. i hope he rots, money is not love.

Eric, KC and i ditched some class today, i dont remember, made breakfast consisting of hemp cereal and strawberries. and we ate them in my broken buddha garden hahaha. case of the cute morning.

really, im all better now. IS IT PARTY FRIDAY YET?
*** Nic is driving down for my performance!!!

confession: i think beer bellies on guys, are a major turn on
lumber jack kind of belly hhahah. one that i can just wrap on arms around and cuddle on hahaha
someone call my cell...

post a comment
with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this  on your blog and see what people remember about you.

Last night Hans and i saw 300 at parkway.... bout time. that movie is fucking crazy! hahah i laughed [quietly] during some parts..like the rhino..haha.
Strange, but we talked about our thoughts on dying, and thinking about dying when you;re altered. We have very very different views, but really any friend who can civilly debate me is an amazing person in my book.

My big brother friend Jason and i destroyed Whole Foods, he spent about 250$ on food there, i swear im eating at his house everyday of my life now.
went back to his place and i stretched his ears up again. i can shove oreo cookies through his ears
He tried to dye my hair, its just a bit more red, on my red highlights. Helped him make dinner for his ex gf then came home and went out with Hans.
Prom # 3 is coming up, and its supposed to mean something to me.
i dont know who to take, but i want to take someone special,
I wish people didnt come and go in your life.
Im really happy with life right now, but i feel like i should be more content with it

Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?

Important things on April 25th

My ass looks SLAMMIN.

She who sees from up high smiles and surely sings
Perspective pries your once weighty eyes and it gives you wings

warning.. picture crazy post.

Finally, 3am. i leave to San Fran. wish us luck.

"Someone" ....once told me he wanted to let me go, so he could appreciate me when i came back. He said he didnt want to take me for granted so he needed to loose me for a while.
sometimes i go away on my own hoping, someone will realize what im worth. unlike he did.

but im happy in my head.
sometimes in my heart.

Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall


******hahaha we're thinking about going out to sushi tonight, downtown, and Jason just called to say i get in for $15 since im under 5'1.
Dont forget me when im gone.

There's no love like lost love and no pain like a broken heart.

San Fracisco with the girls on thursday.
Life is insanely ridiculous to me. but everyday i wake with a smile on my face
and i know things will be okay?
I want to have a sweet date for prom. Because my best and closest friends are not in high school,
i have a feeling this is going to be a bust.
I want to lay out at the beach tomorrow.

And a heart is not a stone,
And is fragile, is fragile when alone

you;re all scared of eachother.

And im living the dream.

ive probably had the funnest most beautiful spring break of my life.
i want to hold on to it forever.


Time to lay down my bets,
Oh, I put all my money on you.

sometimes i wake up in my beautilful big bed and wonder why
i have a single care in the world.

life is fucking CRAZY

A FEW From St.Patties Day

HAHAHAH shes on the pot

These are kid of old. oh well.
sorry if i look gross this was after a performace.

sigh sigh sigh.
out at lunch, and i was getting a drink while i was on my phone. real disappointing call. i just hung up and in my head i said "who are you?". idk i walked back to my seat and my mom was waiting there eating... i couldnt help it, i just cried, and she ignored it. im really glad she did, im just tired of it. the feeling goes away and comes back, goes away and comes back. Im over it. i want to just forget everything. i didnt expect myself to feel this way now.

it bugs me, it makes me angry at myself. its like im addicted to a child. really thats all it is. im addicted to feeling like im doing something right.
fuck it.
ive hung out with some AMAZING PEOPLE lately. the spark of ambition that i need.
theres a million parties tonight. so im pretty excited, and the parents are leaving town so
who knows where ill drift to.

HAHAHAH SORRY YOU FUCK UPPPP

[	Current Mood	|	bored	]
[	Current Music	|	Rilo Kiley	]

You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry


awkward weekend. saw many people i havent seen in a while. i need a break from things, just a while to get healthy again.
i know my limits. i follow my warning signs. hopefully not too late.
babyshower. hit up a few parties, some boys picked me up. i hung out with Ruben haha i wore his clothes
and reenacted his myspace pictures hahah ill post those later.
i had a pleasant surprise. Ironically that surprise, does not know how much that meant to me.



i burned some incense, listened to AFI and took a long nap when i got home today.
i want to go to LA look at Art. anyone down?
oh coffee house performance this weekend

[	Current Mood	|	drained	]
[	Current Music	|	AFI	]

Post secret is my guilty pleasure, its been lagging.
but this was my fav.
straight to the point.



i met this guy. He has a gf. Im not the home wrecker type of girl
OR AM I MUHAHAHAH

After the bumps ive had..i opened my eyes and realized..

Every girl diserves to be treated like a princess.










if shes not a bitch ;p hahah.

[	Current Location	|	tiny vessels	]
[	Current Mood	|	confused	]

hm. i think. I miss my best friend.
him.

spending a few months in a home you made your own. somewhere i made myself feel 10 times more safe than my own home, and im still aching to be there. months later, and i still want to run there and sit with my best friend on a couch and wait for his mom to make dinner, so i can feel like i have a family again.